A Very Good Place to Start

So I'm going to China in three days and will be updating about my adventures while there, but I thought I should back up to the beginning of this whole process because it's been so cool to see how the Lord has worked throughout it.

Back in September I began looking at study abroad options for the fall of 2009, knowing I needed to go to China to finish up my Chinese language credits. While doing so, I came across the U.S. State Department's Critical Language Scholarships for Intensive Summer Institutes. They offer language programs in eleven critical need languages around the world, and the State Department pays for everything. Of course I was like sweet I want to do this and immediately created an account to apply for the program. Over the next couple of weeks I worked on the application some, but my excitement began dwindling because of how extensive the application process was and how competitive the selection process was. I tend to be a realist (okay, a pessimist), and knowing that I was up against students all across the U.S. made me realize how slim the chances were that I would be accepted. So I decided to give up and never turn in my application.

Since the beginning of the semester I had been praying about what I should do for the next school year and asking God for direction. Even after I quit the CLS application, I kept praying and continued researching different programs. I wanted to be open to whatever the Lord had in store. The first week of November I began feeling that the Lord wanted me to apply for the summer CLS program and trust Him with the results. It seemed silly because I knew there was no way I would actually get in, and I had done hardly any of the application in September. But I felt a strong pull and wanted to obey. So here it was November and the application was due November 14. I had to go to professors and ask them to write letters of recommendation for me within the next 10 days. Ugh. I was that student. But they were gracious and sent in letters. I finished my four essays and did my best rating my Chinese language skill in every imaginable way possible. I finished everything and submitted the application at 5 PM November 14. Then came the hard part: waiting.

The CLS website said all applicants would be notifed of their application status by late March. In early February I starting logging into my account practically every day, just in case they notified us early. In all those months I continued praying that the Lord's will would be done and that I would be at peace with it. Sometimes I prayed I would be accepted into the program, but mostly I just prayed for direction because I didn't know why God had wanted me to apply for something that I had such a small chance of being accepted into. The applications weer all reviewed by language experts, and then the high-ranking applications (about one-third) were reviewed by a national panel before participants were to be recommended by the U.S. State Department. It was hard knowing the tough process my application was going through, but at the same time I kept reminding myself at least I would get a clear yes or not out of all of it.

March came and I started getting OCD about checking my email and my application status. At this point I just wanted an answer, any answer; I was just sick of waiting. The first day I was in California for spring break I got an email notifying me that I was an alternate for the program. I screamed because I was so shocked, but then I was just disappointed I had to keep waiting. I didn't even know being an alternate was an option. As soon as I read the email I really wanted to be accepted. I was questioning why the Lord wanted me to keep waiting; then I realized that maybe this was His way of letting me know that my application was still somewhat competitive, and that in itself was a blessing from Him. While we were in Cali I was reading through Jeremiah, and God kept showing me verses that spoke so directly to my situation and began taking away the doubts in my mind.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you..." Believing that God knows His plan for my life, regardless of whether or not I know it, should be enough to give me complete peace in waiting on Him.

Jeremiah 32:40-41 "And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. I will find joy in doing good for them..." It's difficult for me to believe that God does have good things in store for me, especially when I think I know what is good for me. But the truth is that His plan is good for me, because His plan is perfect. And no matter where I am for the summer or what I'm doing, my desire to should be to worship Him above all else.

Jeremiah 42:3 "Pray that the Lord your God will show you what to do and where to go." I had been praying for four months afte submitting my application, and I still had no answers. But I needed to be faithful to continue asking the Lord for direction.

Jeremiah 42:6 "Whether we like it or not, we will obey the Lord our God to whom we are sending you with our plea. For if we obey him, everything will turn out well for us." Verse after verse was just confirming to me that I needed to continue seeking the Lord and His direction and be faithful in obeying, whether or not it was my plan or my first choice.

I knew I was supposed to find out around April 15 if I had a spot or not in the program. It was a long month checking my email about 95749 times a day. About two weeks after I got the alternate status notification, I decided I did not want to go at all. I am fickle, but I was so relieved that I hadn't gotten in because being gone for an entire summer and coming home for a week before turning around and going back to China for the fall semester did not sound appealing to me at all. But I kept praying for clear direction and a surrendered spirit to obey the Lord. The week before Easter came and I began sensing guidance from the Lord that if I was accepted into the program, I would go. I didn't feel I would be a good steward if I passed up an incredible opportunity like this one.

April 15 dame and went and I heard nothing. I thought for sure I wasn't in, but I wanted a confirmation email. By Friday afternoon I still hadn't heard anything, and I told Megan in discipleship I definitely wasn't going. I took my accountability girls to Lynchburg for the weekend, and as we were hanging out late Friday night I decided to check my email one more time just in case. Bingo there was a notification in my inbox. I clicked, my eyes saw the words "Dear Sherri, Congratulations!", and the tears started flowing. And let me tell you they were not tears of joy. I had told God I would go if I got in, but I still really didn't want to go. I finally got a hold of my parents in Florida and then cried again, saying I would probably go but I didn't really want to.

It was cool how the timing was such that I was home, but my parents weren't, so I couldn't talk things over with them. I had to let the State Department know by Monday, so I didn't really get to talk to anyone about it but Jesus. I had to go straight to Him and pour our my fears and worries and lay it all at His feet, just praying for confirmed direction. Over and over again I thought about Jeremiah 42:6 "whether I like it or not", because I definitely was not liking the idea of going. Finally Sunday afternoon I decided that yes I was going. It was hard because it was the first time I had made a really big decision with just me and God, and not really much input from my parents. But at the same time I had such peace knowing I was obeying God and was sure this was His plan for me.

It was also cool because the whole week prior to find out I got in I had been praying that the Lord would teach me how to be completely satisifed in Him alone. This entire summer I have to speak in only Chinese, which means the only One who I can pour my heart out to in English is Jesus. I know no one going, I will be incredibly busy and stressed with studying, and I will be quite lonely at times, but Jesus will be with me. And Jesus is enough. He really is the only One I will have, and I can't think of a better (although difficult) way to learn how to depend on and be entirely satisfied in God alone.

So that is the story (albeit long) of how I got myself into this adventure. Not all of my posts will be this long, don't worry!